


Political Science and other Supervillain Endeavors

by kris932



Category: Fantastic Four (Comicverse), Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: But not that seriously, Cliches and tropes, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, I swear., I will write a normal ship one day. Today is not that day., Rare Pairings, SHIP DARCY WITH ALL THE THINGS, What Was I Thinking?, there IS a plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-12
Updated: 2018-02-27
Packaged: 2018-08-22 02:14:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8268878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kris932/pseuds/kris932
Summary: Modern day fairytales had happy endings. Disney had pounded this into her head. Darcy is pretty sure she is being completely screwed in her story, since in this version of Boy meets Girl, the boy is a Dictator of a small world power and the girl is an unqualified lab assistant with a deep attachment to her iPod.





	1. Chapter 1

Darcy wasn’t sure what was more terrifying. The letter carefully held in her hand she was trying to avoid crumpling and sweat staining or standing outside of Natasha Romanoff’s apartment floor trying to bring herself to knock on the Black Widow’s door. Well after five minutes of standing at the door and mustering all the courage she had to raise her hand that wasn’t clutching the letter, the door swung open to show Natasha standing there with her arms crossed and one eyebrow perfectly arched in a silent question. 

“Uh hey, so I have to uh…” Darcy babbled as she lowered the hand she had been about to knock with. Natasha’s eyebrow arched ever so slightly higher. 

“Right well, uh, could you just read this for me? I don’t even know where to begin. But uh, damn. Just read it please.” The older woman reached out to take the green, red, and black envelope from Darcy’s out stretched hand at Darcy’s pleading. 

The assassin took a moment to look carefully at the thick envelope and to run one finger over the raised seal in the center. She glanced at Darcy when she was done and stepped to the side pushing the door open wider. 

“Come in. I’m going to assume this is something you don’t want gossiped about all over Stark’s tower.” 

Darcy was pretty sure her sigh of relief could be heard in Asgard with how loud it was. She quickly followed Natasha into her quarters and Natasha secured the door behind her like Fort Knox or something. That was some major security measures going on there. 

“Have a seat.” Natasha said waving a hand at a surprisingly comfy looking couch in the living room area. Darcy had never really thought about what Natasha’s rooms might look like but comfortable had never been at the top of that list. It was nice.

“Would you like something to drink?” she asked as Darcy flopped down on the couch and hid her face in her hands. 

“Only if it’s got alcohol in it.” Darcy muttered. She needed it at this point. To her surprise Natasha laughed and nudged her hands away from her face with a high end bottle of Vodka before taking a seat on the couch next to her. Darcy took the bottle gratefully but didn’t open it. So far she had made a good choice in picking Natasha to come talk to instead of Steve. She may have only met Natasha two or three times since moving into the Tower with Jane but she was feeling confident that Natasha would take a little more time to assess the situation instead of jumping to conclusions and rushing off to solve problems with violence. Oh sure, she was still more than deadly but she was probably going to think first. 

After a moment or two of them both sitting on the couch (Darcy had finally opened the bottle of Vodka) and Natasha taking a closer look the envelope in her hands, Natasha started speaking again. 

“You want to tell me why an official in the Latverian government is sending you mail?” 

Darcy huffed a laugh that sounded more desperate than amused before responding “I wish it was from a Latverian official, I could handle that I think, no this is from the head honcho himself. Victor Von Doom.”

“Victor Von Doom?” Natasha’s blank and unreadable face was starting to show small emotions. Darcy was impressed. 

“Yep. Just read the letter. Please.”

“How did you even come under his radar? No offense but you are not exactly a heavy hitter at this time. Though you do seem to help Dr. Foster in ways most of us can’t follow.”

Darcy shrugged before explaining. 

“Well I did meet him in person at that charity ball thing at the American Museum of Natural History last week. He was a guest. Pepper introduced me and Jane to him. He did talk to us for close to twenty minutes. Very polite. He didn’t even bring up any of her research other to mention he had read her last set of published papers. Then he spent some time asking me how I liked being in New York and asking about where I went to college. Seemed like small talk stuff really.” 

“Did he do the same with other guests as far as you could tell?”

“He seemed to talk to us a little longer, he gave some stiff greetings to a few others and mostly acted superior to all, the night through. When he left he did wish us a good evening before leaving. But his company and Stark Industries occasionally deal in the same sort of things so I assumed he was just being polite to Pepper. But then this shows up in the mail for me.” Darcy shrugged again. 

Now that she had some background information, little as it was, Natasha turned back to the letter in question. The seal on the envelope had already been broken from when Darcy had opened it, so it was quick work to pull the thick parchment paper out. She unfolded it noting the official crest of Latveria at the top and the surprisingly beautiful cursive handwriting that took up the whole page before starting to read. 

Darcy took another sip of the Vodka before deciding alcohol wasn’t the answer to her problems. She stared at the coffee table in front of the couch in silence as she waited for Natasha to finish reading. Either Natasha was the world’s slowest reader or she was rereading it like twenty times searching for devious meanings behind the flowing script. Finally she folded the letter back up and slipped it back into the envelope before handing it back to Darcy. 

“Well that was exceedingly long, vague and polite. I can see why you are concerned.” 

“You weren’t able to figure out the deep villainous plan hidden in that letter?” 

“Unless you consider nice handwriting and old fashioned manners villainous there’s not much I can tell you at this point. It was pretty straightforward. He’s inviting you over to the Latverian Embassy tomorrow and he’s extending that welcome to either me or Captain America if you feel you need a bodyguard of sorts. But then I’m guessing you managed to get that much out of reading the letter yourself.”

Darcy nodded and frowned. 

“Will you go with me tomorrow?”

“You know you don’t have to go at all.” Natasha said sounding unconcerned, like it was the weather being discussed not a trip into the Embassy of one of the world’s most powerful and controversial countries. For a meeting they knew next to nothing about. 

“Yeah but it’ll bug me forever if I don’t. So…will you go with me? I really don’t think bringing Steve is a good option to be honest.” 

Natasha quirked her lips up into a small smile that might have been agreement before agreeing to accompany Darcy the next day. 

“Thanks, so much. Really thanks. I’ll uh, meet you in the parking deck tomorrow then?”

“Anywhere you like, you’re the boss Lewis, I’m just the muscle at this point.” Said Natasha as she led Darcy back to the door and waved her out. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.” The door shut firmly behind her.


	2. Chapter 2

Despite the claim made by Natasha the day before that Darcy was the boss, and she was just the muscle, Natasha had thankfully took the liberty of pulling some discrete strings. One of Tony’s private limos was parked, polished to perfection right where she had asked Natasha to meet her. Considering that the Avengers weren’t fully assembled in uniform, Darcy guessed Natasha had kept the situation on the down low for her.

Instead by the passenger door Natasha and Clint were standing together waiting for Darcy. It took a moment for Darcy to recognize her favorite jackbooted thug under the well put together driver’s uniform he was wearing and his hair dyed a much darker shade. He didn't look anything like his normal self, which Darcy guessed, was the whole point. Cut off t-shirts in various shades of purple might not give the right diplomatic and professional image. 

Natasha on the other hand was dressed to kill-literally. Darcy was pretty sure that was her S.H.I.E.L.D uniform she was wearing. And while she probably had a number of weapons hidden on her, Natasha wasn't hiding the two guns and widow bites on her arms in the slightest.

Bodyguard, indeed.

 

“I figured you'd be ok with Clint going as our driver.” Natasha stated as Darcy joined them next to the limo. “Since he won't be going in with us and most people over look the hired help-even if I suspect Doom might be a little more suspicious than your average person…” she said dryly before continuing “ I don't think he will be recognized or stopped.” 

“Awesome. I'm more than ok with Clint coming with us.” Darcy said in relief as she tried to avoid creasing her best work slacks and suit jacket. Her heels would have been hell to handle on the subway and she was relieved she wasn't going to have to commandeer Jane's van to get to the Embassy. She had almost decided to say ‘screw it’ and wear one of her many oversized sweaters and jean combos but she decided a little decorum should be shown. The limo definitely helped with that image. As did both Clint and Natasha rocking the competent and professional adult look. One day she was going to learn how to fake doing that. Today would be a good day to start doing that considering where they were headed. 

“So what the hell did you do Lewis to get this swanky invite?” Clint asked as he moved to play his part by opening one of the limo doors for the two women to get in. Darcy slid in first and Natasha followed after her silently. 

“Hell if I know, I'm both hoping and not hoping to find out today. Why do you think I begged Natasha to go with me? Doesn't she do this sort of thing in her sleep?” asked Darcy only half joking about her belief in Natasha's skills. 

“Well yes, but usually she's the one getting the invites. And then stabbing or shooting someone discreetly. So you can see why I'm a little curious.” said Clint right before he closed the door behind his fellow agent and moved to the front door, only to continue talking as soon as he had entered the vehicle. “I’d suggest not stabbing or shooting Doom but if you feel as if you really have no other choice, I say go for it. I can lend you some weapons. Natasha hates sharing hers. Also, don’t tell Fury I said you could do that.” 

“My lips are sealed.” Muttered Darcy sarcastically. “But I’d rather just use my Taser.” 

Natasha smiled dangerously at her after her comment and Darcy had to fight down the urge throw herself out of the car. Now that she was in the car, sitting next to a fully decked out Black Widow and being chauffeured by Hawkeye things were getting a little too real for her. 

How the hell did she keep ending up in these sorts of crazy situations? 

New York City was its usual congested and gridlocked traffic-y mess. Stark Tower just happened to be almost completely across the city from the Embassy. What would have probably taken her about 30 minutes on the subway (she totally had the schedules down now) was probably going to take a bit longer just based on how long they had been sitting at this one traffic light. There really wasn’t much else for her to do but slip her ear buds in, turn on her iPod and become really fascinated with staring out the tinted window. 

Natasha and Clint seemed to be doing that silent conversation with one’s eyes thing through the rear view mirror and a few hand signals on Clint’s end. Darcy figured if they actually wanted her to be involved they would tell her. 

The Latverian Embassy in New York City was located not far from The Cloisters an art museum Darcy had explored once on a day off from work. Somehow, while most countries got a floor or maybe an office building to house their Embassies or Consulates, Victor von Doom had scored a plot of land large enough to build himself a small castle. 

Well, ok, it was more like a mansion. But it had a yard that was green and wooded, and this was New York City, and that was not something easy to find. And the gates that were firmly shut in front of them as Clint guided them into the driveway did not look that welcoming. A small call box was situated at window level outside the gate. Clint rolled down his window and pressed the small button.

A clear voice seemed to demand some information, but considering they didn’t speak English or at the very least refused to, left Darcy out of the loop. Natasha on the other hand rolled her eyes and half crawled through the limo divided to snap something back in the same language. Clint glanced back and met Darcy’s concerned look with a smirk. He seemed to understand what they were saying. 

After a minute or two of back and forth between Natasha and the man on the other end, the call box went silent and the gates opened. Clint rolled the window back up and started driving forward again. 

“Hey, uh, Clint did you understand all that?” Darcy asked just to clarify as Natasha settled back down next to her again. 

“Yeah, well, bits and pieces, I got the gist of it, but your average chauffeur isn’t going to speak passable Hungarian. So, cue Natasha bossing her way around.”   
“All he was asking was for us to identify ourselves. We are expected at least. They did ask who Clint was…” Natasha explained. “We’ll probably be searched inside. And I’ll have to surrender any and all weapons I’m carrying, I mostly just brought them to prove a point.” 

What point that was she didn’t seem ready to share so Darcy just nodded. “Yeah I’d prefer to not be part of the reason we accidentally start WWIII by breaking some diplomatic rule or three.”

“Eh, Doom’s been attacked on Embassy grounds before. Caused big problems of course but nothing that wasn’t handled.” 

Darcy wasn’t sure if Clint thought that was supposed to make her feel better or not. But if he did, he was wrong.


	3. Chapter 3

Clint pulled the limo smoothly up in front of the large double doors that served as the entrance to the Latverian Embassy. A smartly dressed man in a suit who was speaking out loud to an earpiece and wire was waiting at the foot of the steps leading up to the doors. When Clint stopped the limo the man stopped speaking and immediately moved forward to open the back doors of the limo. Clint kept them locked for a second as he did that silent facial conversation thing with Natasha. Darcy just stared at them and wondered why the hell she had really needed to come and see what the hell was going on. It was starting to be a theme in her life she noted to herself.   
Anyway, Clint and Natasha wrapped up their silent convo within seconds and Clint clicked open the doors on the right side so the man waiting on the outside could pull it open for the two women. 

Darcy moved to exit the limo but Natasha quietly signaled her to stay back as Natasha got out first, scanning the area for any threats. She seemed to deem it acceptable for the time being because she signaled for Darcy to exit the car behind her. Once they were both out, the man-in-the-suit carefully closed the limo door and Clint eased the limo away from the front doors of the Embassy. 

Darcy doubted he was leaving the property but she felt the loss of what was no doubt one of Tony’s better protected limos at her back. 

“Miss Lewis.” The man-in-the-suit acknowledged Darcy first with a slight bow in her direction. “Agent Romanoff. Welcome to the Latverian embassy. We are delighted you have graced us with your presence today.” He had an accent but it wasn’t as thick as the person that had been talking to Natasha over the call box at the gate. 

Despite noting that Natasha was present, the rest of his words were directed only at Darcy. And it looked like Natasha was happy to sit back and let Darcy handle the talking portion of the day. Well she couldn’t tell if she was happy or not, considering how expressionless the agent’s face was, but since Natasha wasn’t saying anything, Darcy took that as her cue to handle parts of the day by her own damn self. 

“Thanks. Swanky mansion. So what’s the deal, plan what ever?” 

The man-in-the-suit, who really needed an easier name for Darcy to mentally call, blinked as if he didn’t quite comprehend Darcy’s words.   
Natasha just sighed the world’s quietest sigh and closed her eyes briefly as if she was in pain over the whole situation. 

Darcy decided she was in too deep to back out now. “Like this property is really impressive. It’s really lovely.” Her compliment was certainly genuine and it gained her the smallest of smiles from the man-in-the-suit. 

“I am afraid I must ask both you and your companion to go through security before we move forward with your meeting.” He said as he ushered both women in front of him and up the big stone steps to the door. “I do hope you do not find it a big imposition on your time.” 

Darcy was impressed with how polite he had made that order. She was certain that refusing to go through security wasn’t actually an option by any means.   
But she was soon distracted ever so slightly upon seeing the inside of the Embassy for the first time. It was stunning. The foyer they had entered had a high ceiling with windows letting in natural light from all directions. The floors had to be marble or something equally impressive. As Darcy peered up through some of the windows she could see parts of the roof where it looked like you were able to climb up and have a stunning view of the grounds of the Embassy and probably past the Embassy gates too. 

Each step she took forward seemed to echo loudly. To her ears she steps sounded awkward but it didn’t seem to faze Natasha. She was starting to get a little jealous with how nothing seemed to faze Natasha. 

“If you will follow me Miss Lewis, our security office is just to the left here.” Once again it was like Natasha wasn’t even there. 

Darcy glanced about like a tourist on vacation for a minute or so more before scrambling to catch up with their guide’s footsteps. Natasha remained her silent shadow as they moved forward. 

The man led them to a small office that seemed to serve as a gateway to getting deeper into the Embassy. It basically looked like any airport screening she had ever been through except with more heavily armed guards and what might have been a fully functioning Doombot lurking in one of the corners. 

She stared a bit more directly at said corner. Yep, that was a Doombot. She recognized it from various news accounts she had studied before coming here. Plus one of her college classes had briefly covered Latverian government practices before moving on to the much safer topic of Cuba. 

The Doombot stared back at her. Ok, maybe that wasn’t the smartest plan. 

“Miss Lewis?” she snapped her attention away from the robot and focused back on the humans that were actually trying to converse with her. 

“Right sorry, I missed what you said.”

“If you would please step through here?” he indicated the archway that reminded her so strongly of airport security.

“I’ll go first, Miss Lewis will follow after me.” Interjected Natasha as she moved past and thru the archway as directed. Naturally, because she was carrying a small arsenal of weapons on her person, several alarms went off. Their guide, who still remained nameless twitched ever so slightly at the sound. The other guards moved in to ask that she remove anything that could have set it off. The Doombot, just remained in the corner watching the whole affair. 

In what felt like a montage from every spy spoof movie ever, Natasha started pulling out weapon after weapon from her clothing. When she was finally done there was an impressive looking pile of guns, knives, hair pins, garrote wires and so forth sitting on the steel table beside her. 

Darcy half expect her to pull the cliché move of one oversized gun hidden down her shirt or something equally ridiculous. But no such luck. 

Natasha walked back through this time not setting any of the alarms off. Darcy was then waved through, and she passed the first time around. 

The guards moved to whisk away the pile of weapons but at Natasha’s deadly glare when they went to touch them, they reconsidered. Darcy had a feeling they’d still be sitting there when, and if, they made it through the rest of the day unscathed. 

The Doombot suddenly left the corner it had been skulking in to move in front of the two women. While Darcy had heard that the robots could mimic the real Doom perfectly this one didn’t seem to have a third person fetish like Doom often used. In fact this one didn’t seem keen to speak at all. But it did motion grandly with one armored arm for them to follow it down the hall it’s green cloak billowing out behind it as Natasha and Darcy just glanced at each other, Darcy shrugging a little before starting to walk after it. 

The Embassy was grandly built and decorated to match. Darcy was pretty sure she spied an original Picasso hanging on one of the walls as they passed through. She could only imagine how the capital and Doom’s residence in Latveria must be decorated. 

One hall led to another and then some stairs. The three of them finally ended at two double wood doors. The Doombot banged twice on one of the doors before signaling for the two women to wait outside for someone to answer. 

As the Doombot walked away, Natasha and Darcy glanced at each other one last time before the doors opened.


	4. Chapter 4

It was a stunning room, all dark woods for the furniture and bookcases, a large well-polished desk was the main focus of the room, but there were several large windows overlooking the Embassy grounds that easily competed for attention. 

But as lovely or as stunning as all of it was, nothing gained Natasha and Darcy’s attention faster than watching Victor von Doom rise from the chair behind his desk to greet them. Imposing armor, green cloak, the whole nine yards. He had appeared smaller at the social events Darcy had first met him at. Here on his own property he seemed a lot more imposing. It didn’t help that he towered over her when it came to height. 

“Doom welcomes you both to his Embassy.” 

Darcy quirked her lips in an open but nervous smile and Natasha quickly but politely jerked the smallest of bows beside her. Darcy glanced over at Natasha in surprise but the older woman’s face was blank. 

“Thanks.” Darcy said when it became clear that Natasha wasn’t going to help her on this one. 

“Doom is pleased you decided to accept his invitation.” The words were said to the room at large but much like the previous people they had meet all of Doom’s attention was on Darcy. 

“Well, curiosity killed the cat and all that. I kinda had to find out why you invited me.” 

If Doom’s face wasn’t completely covered by his armored faceplate, Darcy would have liked to imagine him standing there with a stunned look on his face. As it was Doom seemed to pause for a moment before collecting himself after her statement. 

“Indeed. Might Doom offer you a seat?” he asked moving to pull out a comfortable looking chair in front of the desk for her. “And then we might discuss Doom’s desire to meet with you.” 

Assuming that Natasha would do whatever she wanted based off the situation as it changed Darcy nodded and thanked him as she took a seat in the offered chair. She could feel Natasha standing just inches behind her chair once she was settled. It was calming in a highly unsettling sort of way. 

Doom made his way back behind his desk and took his seat.

“Did you wish to invite Agent Barton to join us? It seems some effort had been put into gaining him access and Doom would hate for that to go to waste.” 

Darcy shifted in surprise at his question but was surprised to hear that Doom sounded vaguely amused by their little trick. When Natasha didn’t interrupt to answer him Darcy gave up on having Natasha save her ass when it came to actual conversation.

“No, I think he’s ok staying with the limo. Thanks for you know, not arresting him on sight.” She said amiably. “He might be a little pissed about dying his hair that color but what can you do?”

Now he had to be laughing at her behind his mask. 

“You are welcome.”

Now that Doom was sitting across the desk from her, Darcy had to fight back the desire to fidget and play with all the pens that were carefully sorted in a holder on his desk. Some of them really looked like they’d be great to write with too. And if all else failed Natasha could probably pull a Jason Bourne move and stab someone with one of the pens. 

“And how is Doctor Foster doing?” asked Doom. 

If he was looking for details on Jane’s work Darcy was positive small talk with Jane’s science-background-lacking lab assistant wasn’t the best way of getting that information. 

“She’s doing great. Especially with Thor being back and all.” Yep, remind the dude that she knew Thor. Maybe she could casually slip in her Taser story at some point. 

“Doom is going to assume you have some confusion on why Doom invited you to meet with him.”

Darcy had to wonder if Doom ever got tired of talking about himself like that. She wasn’t even sure if English was his first language and he never seemed to trip up when talking. It was impressive. 

“Just a little bit.” 

“Ms. Lewis, this may seem random and rather insane to you, but Doom would be honored if you would hear him out.”

“I’ll do my best based on what you say? I can’t make promises on things I don’t know…” said Darcy carefully as Doom started to move forward with why she was here in the first place.

“That seems fair, Ms. Lewis.” He paused as if he didn’t quite know what to say next, even if Darcy had a feeling he had carefully planned everything he wanted to say. 

“While Doom has ‘done his research’ as they say, I would just like to make personally make sure that you are not in a romantic relationship at this time.”  
Whatever Darcy had been imagining him saying that was not it.

“Sorry what?” she sputtered in response. 

“Doom’s sources have assured him that you are single, but it would be uncouth to not ask you in person.” Continued Doom. 

“What the hell? Natasha?” she asked turning to look back at her companion. 

“Yes Ma’am?” asked Natasha still playing her body guard role to a T. 

“Nothing, never mind.” She paused and turned back to Doom. “Doctor Doom I am even more confused than I was before, why am I here?”

Victor von Doom met her stare and uttered the last words she would have ever imagined coming out of his mouth. 

“Doom would like to ask for your hand in marriage.”   
.  
.  
.  
It was almost three hours from their arrival when Natasha finally rapped her knuckles against the driver’s side window of the limo. If Clint hadn’t been waiting for them and keeping watch he would have jumped in surprise at the sound.

“You better not be asleep in there Barton. I think Darcy’s ready to get the fuck out of here.”

He clicked open the locked doors and the two women let themselves into the car. As soon as they were in he started the limo and started driving back into the traffic congested streets of New York.


	5. Chapter 5

As soon as the limo was comfortably stuck in traffic and not going anywhere, Clint rolled down the partition so he could talk easily with Darcy and Natasha.   
Neither woman looked like they had any desire to fill him in on what he had missed. Darcy had her arms crossed over her chest and her legs curled up under her in the large leather seat. She was staring out the window as if it would tell her the secrets to the universe. Natasha was carefully cleaning one of her guns. Something Clint was sure she was just doing to stay busy and give Darcy some room. 

“Am I driving you both back to the Tower?” Clint asked in an attempt to break the silence.

“No, can you bring us about three blocks away from my apartment? Near that Thai place you like.” asked Natasha as she put one gun back in its holster and pulled out a wicked looking knife instead. “Darcy, I want to talk to you in private, if you want, do you mind coming over to my apartment for the evening?”

That got both Darcy and Clint’s attention. Probably for slightly different reasons. As far as Darcy knew, Natasha lived at the Tower when she wasn’t off being scary and bad-ass in foreign countries. As far as Clint knew, and he knew her better than anyone, Natasha wasn’t the open friendly type that invited people over without a really good reason. He was sure that only he and Coulson actually knew the location of her apartment in the city. 

Darcy turned away from the window to look at Natasha. 

“Your apartment?” asked Darcy.

“Yes. It’s currently one of the more secure places I know and I figured you probably needed some space away from the craziness that is the Tower.” Natasha said meeting Darcy’s gaze. 

“Does anyone want to tell me why Darcy needs space?” broke in Clint. “Is there someone I need to shoot? It’s kinda something I’m good at. Fairly discrete at it too.” He was only half joking as he made the offer. 

“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t shoot Doom. That would cause many more problems. Like massive international issues. So, thanks but, no thanks.” Said Darcy, unfolding a bit from where she had been huddled up. “And I really just need some time to process everything that we just discussed back at the Embassy, but I promise I’ll fill you in tomorrow.”

Clint glanced back at her and nodded. He might not like being out of the loop when one of his friends was out of sorts but he was also more than capable of standing back and waiting. In the end he was a sniper and people in his field had to learn to be patient. 

“Cool, you and me, beers up on the roof?” he asked.

“10-4, Hawkeye.” Darcy agreed. 

The car lapsed back into silence but the air did feel a little less charged now. 

Eventually Clint was able to move through the city’s traffic to make it to the small hole-in-the wall Thai place that Natasha had mentioned. Darcy got out of the car and gave Natasha and Clint a moment to have one of their super-secret conversations before Natasha exited too. 

Once the limo had disappeared around the corner, Natasha turned to where Darcy was leaning against a street lamp waiting. 

“Hungry? The food here is fantastic. There’s also a liquor store between here and my place. If you want.”

Darcy grinned at Natasha before turning to walk into the Thai place. Two orders of Kao Na Phet and Moo Dad Diew later, a stop for a bottle of vodka and whisky, and Darcy was following Natasha up the stairs to her apartment. It was a typical New York apartment. Small, smaller than movies made NYC apartments to look. Her furniture that was comfortable but not suited to visitors. Natasha only owned two chairs it looked like and her table was tiny and covered with junk mail addressed to about five different names. It looked like she picked up the mail and just tossed it on the table whenever she bothered to come home. So in the end they both agreed that sitting on the floor with the small couch at their backs, the food spread out on the floor in front of them was the best way to approach dinner. The bottles of booze were lying on the couch just waiting to be drunk later. 

One full plate of food into dinner and Natasha was ready to start talking. 

“So, you impressed me back in the Embassy.”

“I impressed you?” asked Darcy incredulously in between bites of her food. The spy twins had been right, it was good. 

“Yes. You were calm and didn’t say or do anything without thinking first. I’ve always thought that you give off a bit of flighty impression both as part of your normal personality and as a way to throw people off. You went to Culver University, right?”

Darcy wasn’t sure if Natasha’s statements were insulting or flattering but she chose not to comment on the personality section. 

“Yeah, honors program at Culver. Had to finish online though and lost some credits when I went off with Jane past the internship timeframe. Lost honors credit too.”

“It’s a good school. I mean Jane and Bruce both worked there. So that’s impressive in general.”

“Yep.” Darcy popped the p in ‘yep’ as she waited for Natasha to get to the point. 

“So why didn’t you turn Victor von Doom down?” Natasha continued. 

Darcy put her plate of food down with a sigh. Seconds were going to have to wait until after this discussion.

“I’d like to point out I didn’t say ‘yes’ either. I said I’d have to assess the situation and his offer and meet him a ‘few’ more times before I could realistically give him a semblance of an answer.”

“ ‘No’. Would have been an answer. A solid answer. Hard to be confused with that answer…” Natasha said. 

“hhmmm.” Darcy hummed for a second looking at Natasha curiously. “Would you be as impressed, your word by the way, with me if I had told him no?” 

Natasha didn’t really answer just smiled at her and stretched her legs out more comfortably. “So why didn’t you say no?”

“I don’t have an easy answer for that.” Darcy said as she turned to reach for the whisky bottle behind them on the couch. “Did you want some of this vodka?” 

Natasha nodded and Darcy handed over the bottle to her. 

“So what’s the hard answer, then?” 

“Well, I didn’t see it coming. Did you see it coming? Because I was not in my wildest drunkest dreams expecting a marriage proposal today. So I need to know why he asked me.”

“And then you’ll say no?” 

It should have been a statement. Of course, Darcy was going to say no. That’s what any rational person would expect her to do. Except that Natasha hadn’t phrased it as a statement and didn’t look like she assumed she had the right answer.

“Fuck if I know, Nat. I’m completely in over my head here. All I want to do right now is build a pillow fort on my bed and watch Netflix. But now I have to meet with a dictator of a small European country to discuss his marriage offer to me next week. Which admittedly is exciting.” 

Natasha let out a small laugh and drank some of her vodka straight from the bottle. 

“You don’t know how to live normally anymore, do you?” 

“What do you mean?”

Natasha sat the bottle down and crossed her legs as she sat up and faced Darcy. 

“New Mexico, running around the world with Jane, living at the Tower, and now this. You’d be unhappy with a normal civilian lifestyle.” 

“Can’t argue with that assessment.” Darcy said, as she started to fix herself a plate of seconds. 

“I guess the real question would be, why are you adjusting to the madness that is our lives so readily?” 

Darcy shrugged and frowned, before gesturing towards the microwave crammed into the small kitchen counter, Natasha nodded permission.

“You might want to be careful.”

“Yeah, I know Doom’s not someone I should cross Natasha, I’m not stupid.” Darcy said as she waited for her food to heat up.

“I don’t think Doom’s going to be your biggest problem. People finding out he asked you to marry him… well certain groups of people might try to use that info to their best advantage.” 

Well damn, Darcy knew that, she contracted with S.H.I.E.L.D. but in everything going on she had considered just how dangerous this all could get. 

“Trust no one, huh?” 

“That’s kinda been my life motto since before you were born. Понимаю?”


	6. Chapter 6

The tower felt stifling. Each click of her mouse and clack of her keyboard rang too loud. Darcy huffed a frustrated sigh before pushing aside the mountain of paperwork she was trying to finish. She pulled out her Starkphone and scrolled down her contact list until the name jokingly read "Hawkass". 

[Are u busy?]

She typed before putting the phone down and staring back at her computer screen.   
About two minutes later the phone chimed.

[At the range, killing time and targets]

A brief pause and her phone chimed again. 

[What's up]

She quickly abandoned her computer to text back.

[Wanna grab lucky and go for a walk in central park?]

[I thought you had said roof and beers?]

[Kinda need to talk for my own sanity]

[You got it. Meet by the service entrance in 30?]

[Yes. Thanks, Barton.]

>>>>

"How do you have washboard abs and" she waved one hand up and down indicating his arms, "and still eat junk like that." 

Clint smirked and finished off his last bite of hot dog much to Lucky's disappointment. He scratched his dog behind his ears as a consolation prize. 

"You realize you see me in the tiny little bit of leisure time I get that isn't filled with work or training. I'm usually on a boring yet strict diet. And Natasha yells at me a lot to eat healthy."

Darcy nodded, grudgingly accepting the answer. But she still side eyed the muscles he had to be flexing on purpose just to bug her.

“So you gonna tell me what’s up?”

Darcy sighed. “I want to say you wouldn’t believe if I told you, but last week you fought what appeared to be a Kracken coming out of the harbor due to some mad science experiment that wasn’t Tony’s fault for once, probably destabilized at least five governments in your tenure as a spy, and your apartment was taken from Russian gangsters, so I’m guessing it might not be a *complete* shock to you.” 

“I’m sorry,” he clapped his hand mockingly on her shoulder. “I could pretend to be shocked. I’m very good at that. If it makes you feel better.”

She shifted on the park bench and pulled her legs up on the edge so she could lean down on her knees, huddling in on herself. 

The mocking hand on her shoulder turned to a somewhat awkward attempt to soothe and reassure. 

“He asked for my hand in marriage.”

Clint blinked. 

He blinked again. 

He tapped the small hearing aid in his ear, making sure it was working correctly before opening his mouth.

“I’m sorry, it sounded like you just said Doom asked for your hand in marriage.”

“Yep.”

“Like weddings.” He hummed a few chords of ‘here comes the bride’ off key.

“Yep.” 

“As in he and you, wedding.” 

“That’s what I said, Barton.” 

“White dress, lame DJ, cake that looks better than it tastes, really uncomfortable formal clothes.”

She turned her head to glare at him. That didn’t stop him from talking unfortunately. 

“Well…I think it’s safe to say I’m a little shocked. Make that a lot shocked. Um, let’s drop off Lucky, go find where I abandoned my car last, check it for bugs and bombs, and then drive around and continue this conversation in private.”

>>>>

Like Tony Stark, Clint Barton owned a surprisingly high number of cars stashed around various countries. Unlike Tony Stark, Clint Barton’s cars often could use the help of a skilled mechanic and a new paint job. But it proved to be free of listening devices, and she was happy to hit the highway out of the city for a few hours. 

“Alright, maybe you can walk me through this step by step?” Clint asked once he found a good cruising speed on the parkway. 

“There’s not much to tell?” She propped her feet up on the dash and reached for the radio before giving up and starting her story. “I got this letter in the mail, from Doom inviting me to the Embassy. I showed it to Natasha since it said I could bring an escort with me, and I figured she wouldn’t freak out over it like everyone else would. I mean Steve would be going in with his shield a’blazin and Tony would try and build me a robot army to equal his Doombots so…”

Clint glanced over at her then back at the road. 

“Yes, but how did you go from business/political meeting to marriage proposals?”

“I wish I knew.”

“So what’s the plan?” Clint asked, sounding like this was a normal conversation about what to have for dinner, not the next step in dealing with a supervillain’s bizarre actions.   
“Plan. Uh, no. Plans are for people that know what they are doing. I am not a person who has any clue what she is doing right now.” 

“Well, you didn’t tell him no. So I’m assuming you had a reason for that.”

“Not a good reason.” She mutters towards the window refusing to glance over at Clint. “Or at least a reason that makes sense to most people.”

Clint seemed to understand she needed a break from talking for a while They continued to drive for a bit, until he pulled off the highway into a small residential neighborhood. He pulled the car into a strip mall housing a food store, a drug store, and a small Italian restaurant that looked fairly busy. 

“Hungry?” Clint asked. “The food here is fantastic.”  
>>>>  
Everything seems a little bit more manageable after a few slices of garlic bread, an incredibly good pizza slice, and two glasses of wine. Clint had been right to say it was fantastic.  
Glass number three was enough to get Darcy comfortable enough to start talking again. Clint doesn’t make it easy though.

“You know you let any of this slip to the wrong people and you’ll have every federal agency in the country breathing down your neck. Either calling you a traitor or hoping to set you up as a spy. Along with a whole bunch of nasty options in between. And it won’t just be the US Government that will suddenly be more interested than normal in you. You thought that whole mess with Thor and Jane was bad, wait until other nations get word of this… I’d suggest asking Thor for shelter on Asgard at that point.” He snagged another slice of pizza from the tray between them. Despite his casual tone, his eyes didn’t leave hers and she could tell by the sharp, intelligent look in his eyes, he was running through a gazillion different scenarios that could happen. 

She nodded, her stomach in knots and the wine turning sour in her mouth. 

“Considering you haven’t said no. I’m going with the crazy idea you might be considering the possibility of saying yes.” 

She noted he was very careful not to actually say Doom’s name in conversation. 

“Which is going to cause even more problems. And you should probably see if Thor can get involved. He seems like the kind of guy that might understand any underlying political issues that are at stake here.”


End file.
